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I'm regularly grateful to have been one of the last generations of teenagers who didn't have to worry about social media when it came to college crushes, but even I remember days spent staring at a mobile phone that refused to beep.
I have never been a "Rules girl" (that's right, they're a tribe – Blake Lively and Beyoncé are both rumoured to have tried them, on Leonardo Di Caprio and Jay Z respectively).
But the dictates are famous: never approach a man, let him come to you; never suggest a date; don't be the one to initiate or perpetuate conversation or contact; and never, ever agree to a date that is less than 24 hours away."It's more complicated and confusing now," says Fein, "and women need a new book to navigate the unchartered dating territory."That territory includes texting, email, instant messaging, online dating, Facebook and Twitter.
Before these, there was just the telephone, which you invariably watched until it rang. Well, I did, but I already told you I wasn't a Rules girl.
a young woman in San Francisco, met a man—call him John—on the dating site OKCupid. More notably, he indulged in the kind of profligate displays of affection which signal a definite eagerness to commit.
He sneaked Suzanne’s favorite snacks into her purse as a workday surprise and insisted early on that she keep a key to his apartment. V.—an act roughly equivalent, in today’s gallantry currency, to Perseus rescuing Andromeda from the sea monster.
Right appeared in 1995 and advocated doing pretty much what your mother told you: play hard to get; keep a bit in reserve; remain mysterious.
"That is not repressive: that is called self-control and smart, effective behaviour.""We are feminists," adds Fein. We say go ahead and run a marathon and buy a condo and start a new business, just don't chase guys.
It's not good or bad, it just doesn't work."Such is the crisis that constant contact has caused in our consciousness that Fein and Schneider have also created a chart in the new book that will tell you how long to wait before you text a man back (hint: the lag period increases, the older and supposedly wiser you are, and leave at least four hours before replying to man's initial text, whatever your age)."Don't text him back immediately… Never double text," they suggest."If you want more from a guy, give less."It's good advice, written in the vein of now-famous post-Rules guides Why Men Love Bitches and He's Just Not That Into You; each is predicated on creating an epiphany moment in women, when they suddenly understand what it is that men want or need from them.
"They're posting so many mundane status updates that they come across as the opposite of mysterious.
A Rules girl is busy and disappears between dates."To help you maintain a more elusive online presence, The New Rules outlines a "blackout period" between 6pm on a Friday and 6pm on a Sunday, during which time no texting, messaging, email or social media updates are allowed.